• Aaliyah Iona

The importance of Self-reflection for your own personal growth

Recently, I have been analysing old relationships and arguments, and I've started to ask myself, "How did I contribute to it getting to that point?". "Was my reaction always the best?". The saying is, “you live and you learn” but not everyone does. Reality is some people can be extremely stubborn or in denial, therefore, they’ll continuously fail to acknowledge their flaws and patterns in behaviour. Now, I wouldn’t say I’m a person who’d be in denial, but, I am ridiculously stubborn. What's funny is earlier this year someone told me that they always assess how their behaviour has contributed to an argument, and I remember thinking “Not me, I’m always right!". Dare I say it, I was wrong. I have recently begun accepting that I am extremely impulsive and I repress a lot of my feelings. Consequently, these two things that have either led or contributed to both arguments and breakdowns in my relationships.

You're probably wondering, "Why am I addressing this now?". Honestly, this isn’t the first time I’ve ever sat with my own thoughts and considered the effect of hurtful words and actions I’ve exhibited. My conscious for as long as I can remember has never allowed me to do something across someone wrong and not force me to apologise. Be it a month or a year, I’ve always had to right my wrong. The only way to summarise it is my spirit simply doesn’t feel at peace until I do so. With that said, I also find discomfort in the idea of being 30 or 40 years old and continuing to make the same mistakes or misjudgements due to being stubborn or refusing to recognise my flaws.

So what brought on my recent need to address old habits, two things: 1. Contrary to my  misguided and naive belief, arguments aren't exciting. They are mentally and emotionally draining. Three simple words: Pick your battles. Not every argument is worth having. Be it with your parents or partners, a moment to think before you speak/act can change everything.

2. I've experienced some serious deja vu of late. I strongly believe you don't experience things more than once by accident. Whether you believe in God or signs from the Universe, I think it's important to acknowledge it is "something". The saying is: Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.

In recent events, I can proudly say as opposed to reacting as I previously would, I’ve remained calm and thought of better ways to communicate. Less beef = less stress. When un-learning behaviours, you can expect it to take time. Nonetheless, it can be done. Don't get it twisted Aaliyah isn't a saint. No-one is, but, boy does it feel good being in a better mental and emotional space. Irrespective of lost friends and failed relationships, I never want to be bitter, just better.

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